Who Needs to Go to the Races When You Can Go to a Car Rally Instead?

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A reader has brought the Stradbroke Handicap promotion being put on by the Brisbane Race Club (above) to our attention, and I have to say its an absolute cracker. Or a charcoal lavosh anyway, which is cracker for yuppies that looks like its been burnt.

What a great idea to allow members to drive through the gates, wind down the window, listen to a bit of Roy Orbison booming out from the speakers of the world’s biggest infield race screen, pick up a cardboard box of bikkies, a few chunks of flash kabana, a couple of slices of smoked Donald Duck, some sharp tasting old cheese with the mould cut off, a bit offal and a couple of fungi, a small tub of antipasto from the Woolies next door, and a decent dollop of fig paste, which tastes like manure to me but I’m told is very popular in certain racing circles.

As exciting as this carboard box full of goodies sounds, it’s only the entree.

The main course in this sumptious socially distanced Straddie eve promotion is the rare opportunity to drive at a snails crawl behind a really slow 1961 EK Holden, and treat yourself to fond memories of your days at the track.

Usually tracks have horses of course, of course; but these are dangerous virus days, and gallopers tend to work in the morning, not during afternoon drive through truffle and pate pickup hours, so you’ll just have to close your eyes and imagine Kingston Town winning the Queensland Derby, which is probably a good thing because you wouldn’t want to suffer the disappointment of the classic not being run this year for no real reason at all.

I’m sure your fond memories of walking ankle deep in pee in the public dunnies under the big old tote board will warm your heart though.

Let’s just hope that you don’t get sick from eating the salmonella prone cured meats that have been out of the race club’s fridges, into your hot car for an hour or two, and then back home into your fridge and out again the next day.

The BRC couldn’t afford to pay the damages bill.

Do you reckon the club will release a profit and loss statement for this skyrocket of a stupid idea of a promotion?

If you want to take evens about that happening, you can get on for plenty with me.

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