Iron Mike Couldn’t Fight Anymore in a Paper Bag

Mike Tyson will be 54 years old at the end of June.

He hasn’t fought in a boxing ring for 15 years.

The last time he did, Tyson was humiliated by a no-name bum called Kevin McBride.

Before the McBride debacle finally ended his already long-dead career, Tyson had knocked out a punching bag named Danny Williams, who bore the misspelt monicker of the ‘Brixton Bomber’.

It was meant to be ‘Bummer’.

Williams had struggled to get over the brave, but very limited Aussie Bob Mirovic not long before, and had to disable the Big Fella by smashing him real hard in the balls in order to get the job done. He was no hope against Tyson.

McBride was given no hope either. He had built a solid record fighting no-name bums in ballrooms and bars, but this was Iron Mike, former Heavyweight Champion on the World. There was something that most Tyson fans were too ill-informed to know, and too ignorant to see.

Mike Tyson was shot.

The baddest man on the planet had turned into Mary’s little lamb.

When Mike meekly quit on his seat at the end of the sixth round that was it, No more Tyson. His carnival was over. He was done.

That was fifteen years ago, and Tyson has turned grey and packed on the pounds and smoked ten thousand joints in between. He can no more fight at a professional level than Les Darcy can, and he’s been dead for 100 years.

The whole comeback show can only mean one thing.

Iron Mike is broke again, and the IRS are chasing down his arse. He’s desperate for money to avoid another jail stint, and the only way Tyson knows how to earn it is with his celebrity and his fists.

Someone sling him a few million will they?

It will save Tyson embarrassing boxing, and himself.

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