The Greatest Retreat Since Dunkirk – And Why Daniel Johns is a Genius

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Daniel Johns unravelled.

It was bizarre.

At 8 o’clock in the morning he rolled out of a fetish parlour that closed at 5.00 am.

He’d been in there copping brown showers from adult babies for 12 hours, but that was nothing because on one day in the past 2 weeks he’d been in their for 18 getting peed on by nappy clad perverts sucking dummies.

While there he was also getting on the piss and spitting anger and venom.

Johns was on a mad grog-fuelled downward spiral.

His close friends had all abandoned him.

He was on the coke too, big time.

That’s what the Daily Telegraph, the Herald Su, the Courier Mail and all the other Rupert Murdoch papers told us, until he sued their friggin arses off for defamation.

Johns swore that it was all BS.

It was too.

At the time Rupert said he was getting golden showers, the rock star from Silverchair was in bed snoring at his mate’s place down the road.

He hadn’t been snorting coke, he just had a cold.

He’d never been to the pervy bondage joint in his life.

Why would he?

Every nappy wearing bird and bloke in Australia with a leaky bowel wants to root him, and three-quarters of the birds who don’t wear nappies do too.

Rupert’s mob settled the lawsuit for a million plus, although they will never tell you that.

Not content with the cash, Daniel Johns made Rupert get down on his knees and grovel too.

And then he kicked them hard in the head, just like they had kicked him.

Good on him too.

Look at the picture he made them publish with the crawling apology.

Daniel Johns is a genius, and it ain’t just at singing and playing the guitar.

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The Courier-Mail published an article and video about Daniel Johns which alleged that he was swaggering out of notorious Sydney brothel, The Kastle.

The story was wrong.

Mr Johns was not leaving the brothel and The Courier-Mail accepts he has never been there at any other time.

Mr Johns was in the area because he had been visiting a friend who lived in the vicinity of The Kastle.

We retract the story and we wish to extend a genuine and public apology to Mr Johns and his family for the error and the harm caused.

Johns is a highly decorated ARIA award winner with a total haul of 21 awards, including producer of the year ARIA for Silverchair’s album Diorama along with being a three-time winner of Songwriter of the Year at the APRA awards.

He has created multiple number one albums as well as scores of chart-topping singles.

Johns shows no signs of slowing down with numerous collaborations over the past few years including co-writing “Say It” by Flume feat. Tove Lo on the Grammy Award winning “Skin” album.

He also became the first act to play the much renowned Coachella Festival in 2018 without having released a single piece of music with his collaboration project DREAMS with Luke Steele of The Sleepy Jackson and Empire of the Sun.

 

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