The QRIC has received reports that some dastardly track work clockers are turning up at courses before dawn and pushing their stopwatches a hundred yards away from any prying eyes under the cover of darkness.
These bastards are putting the whole racing industry at risk by standing near the rail in the back straight and looking across to the post. One 300 metre projectile sneeze and the whole industry is doomed.
Never fear though, for the good cops on furlough in 9 to 5 Monday to Friday gigs working from home for the Queensland Racing Integrity Commission are stomping the wrongdoers out with a giant black jackboot.
They have acted on every report.
Offenders have been slapped across the wrist by a wet bus ticket, delivered by phone.
Signs have been erected.
The Australian Trainers Association who have no legal jurisdiction to posit as spies have all the bad guys under surveillance.
Muncie, Pat Duff and Parto are everywhere, with video recorders on their shoulders and handcuffs on their belts.
When the QRIC Commissioner Ross Barnett gets back from holidays they might get pop guns too, and a gold badge to pin to their deputy sheriff’s uniform.
If you see any bastard while you are out and about at a racecourse who, like you, shouldn’t be there, make sure you give the QRIC a call when you get home.
They will get back to you within seven working days, I promise.
If they don’t, complain to the Commissioner, if you can find him.
One place that you won’t have to look for him is at the track.
Don’t you worry about that.