Who would thought it?
It’s not the Australian Racing Board, or the principal authorities, or the jockeys, or the trainers, or the owners or even the horses that are keeping racing going in these dim, dark COVID-19 days.
It’s the QRIC.
They’ve been out to Emerald and caught a bloke with a syringe with no needle and nothing in it. Fined him $400 to cover the petrol costs too.
While they were out there looking at the scenery (joke: there is none) they put the breath testing bag on sixteen jockeys too, because all race riders struggling to keep their weight down low enough to ride a camel in Class B in the bush at 58kg down a carton of XXXX heavy for breakfast. Happily/sadly though, none of the bad buggers/rule abiding licensees threw a positive read.
(I say happy/sad, good/bad because QRIC’s one of those rare beasts on institutions that can spin anything as a win and get away with it clean. If 3 riders went .23 or swabbed for meth the Commissioner could beast his chest and declare his team were getting tough on crime; when they didn’t he could and did shout out that the QRIC had stamped out drugs in sport. Either way’s a winner, even if they are true or if they are false).
The QRIC Keep Racing Afloat in the Face of Coronavirus (KRAITFOC) squad were at the Gold Coast fighting germs too.
They didn’t find any, but they did stumble across a bloke whose label had peeled off the bottle of totally legal medicine that the vet had given him to make his sick horse well. In order to keep racing afloat, they directed him to buy a bottle of glue.
One can only hope they didn’t recommend that he get it from the factory in Caboolture. I hear they’ve running a bit short of horse glue since the ABC expose last year stopped them from advertising their superb equine execution services by sponsoring races at the Sunshine Coast.
An extensive education program was conducted to educate trainers on the vital importance of keeping their treatment books up to date, which was vital to the ongoing survival of the industry.
If a trainer dies from the Coronavirus they’ve caught from a raiding steward who sneezed on the treatment book before its owner could write “Orally Admininstered: One Irish Moss and Two Butter Menthols”, how could any raiding Steward in the future know where the cough lollies missing from the packs bought from the 7/11 that were found in the dead trainer’s top shirt pocket went?
They couldn’t, could they?
It would be goodnight nurse for racing, and would the last one out please turn off the lights, and make sure you wash your hands 25 times or more both before and after flicking the switch.
Just imagination if the QRIC team and its vital operational work were marched out of the big Country Racing Awards piss up and put into self-isolation, or if Scomo sealed the border of the M1 at the Logan River, or if Jackie Trad and her communist mates in the unions shut down education in the State.
Where would racing be? Where would the QRIC be? They might actually have to look closely at how races are run, or spend their time reading the rule book, or studying up on 21st century doping techniques. Or – perish the thought – even use their time more productively by writing 17 self-promoting, auto-back patting look at me press releases a day instead of issuing just a couple a week.
That would be a disaster almost as bad as COVID-19 itself.
Queenslanders, do your bit to keep racing going.
Keep QRIC away from the races.